Going Nowhere Faster

RELEASE IMMINENT!

7-1-09

Yes, it's only 31 days (2,678,497 seconds) until Fade To Blue will be released from its dank cave and into your local bookstore. We here at Self Promtion Central advise you to start saving your nickels. Copies will be hard to come by, fights will commence in the street, and young children will drop their popsicles and run in terror. A new review in Booklist says Fade To Blue is "destined for cultish adoration." You know that means you.

Also, today is Canada Day. Hi to all our friends in Medicine Hat.

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Schlong, James Schlong

6-28-09

I can't believe how much this picture rules. Yeah, that's Sean Connery in the red diaper. Do you remember this movie Zardoz? Me neither, until someone sent me this picture, and then I was instantly transported to 1985, laughing my butt off at how dumb this Planet of The Apes rip-fantasy thing was. Know what Zardoz means? Well, it's the end of the phrase Wizard Of Oz, the book this dystopian society worships. Yeah, it just proves that if they had great CGI in the seventies, TRANSFORMERS 39: Rise Of The Red Diaper would have just come out.

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On Stage With Smoke Machine

6-17-09

So, I'll be reading at this thing Friday night. Everyone should come and everyone should bring two attractive, funny, well-read people with them. If everyone does come, and everyone does bring two attractive, funny, well-read people I'll buy you all a shot of everclear and a Red Bull chaser.

Oh, and I'm reading a very rude, scataloigical story. In case you were wondering. Or in case you thought the friends you brought would be bored. They wont be.

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Steve Bringing It Hard

6-12-09

I can’t stop watching this, mostly because it’s the greatest video ever made:

THE BEST VIDEO EVER

“Excuse me,” you might ask. “Exactly what makes a video “great”, and what qualifies you, Sean Beaudoin, to make that determination?” Well, I’ll tell you: Mustache-bass. Air keyboards. Air mullet. Keyboards nailed to wall. Schon-licks. The drummer wearing a "Foosball' shirt. The Rocky II-era dockside setting. Brigitte Neilsen's half sister and her collar-up Members Only jacket. And, of course, falsetto vocals so falsetto they make your molars ache. Awesome.

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Wearing Sheer Class

6-3-09

Fade To Blue T-Shirts now available! The hipness practically bleeds off these babies. Order one, cut off the sleeves, and you're halfway to your own record contract. But it's not just about bald consumerism. I only get a buck or so per shirt, so it cost me more to type this sentence than any profit I might make. It's really more of an arch plot to turn you, the cash-flush reader, into my unwitting billboard. Just like the Nike people do.

http://www.zazzle.com/goingnowhere

And hey, let me know if you're interested in the pile of slightly used Sham-wow's I got going up for auction soon.

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Might Help With Your Title

5-31-09

Dalton Rev Synopsis: It's Grease meets Maltese Falcon. It's what would result if the DNA of The Road Warrior and Beverly Hills 90210 were spliced together and then grafted to Samuel L. Jackson's coccyx. It's cops and cliques. It's love and murder. It's a band called Pinker Casket who rocks so hard they may actually all be dead. And it's a pulp-noir in which hard-boiled seventeen year old Dalton Rev must solve the mystery of "The Body" before it solves him.

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