You Killed Wesley Payne

Five Things The Publisher Said About You Killed Wesley Payne:

"It’s not nearly violent or sarcastic enough. You’re getting soft, Beaudoin. And do you think the characters could swear a little farking more?"
"Reminded me Eraserhead, if Eraserhead were a book about a teen detective."
"I finished it in one sitting. That’s what they pay me to do. And, also, I was sitting in a lawn chair wrapped in duct tape."
"This is going to resurrect our fortunes, not to mention save all of publishing, with both its inherent genius and limitless sales potential."
"Some people like to be entertained. Good thing every copy of You Killed Wesley Payne comes with a free gallon of Four Loko and a twenty-percent off coupon for Doc Nob’s Old Tyme Trepanning Salon."

Some Advice I, Dalton Rev, Can Give You, The Potential Reader:

Whether it’s beer or the flu or too many Cheetos, never pass out at a party. Ever.
There’s a reason they call the cops The Cops.
Tough guys tend to be about as tough as you let them. Don’t let them.
Never go mano-a-mano with a sniper. On the other hand, feel free to go mano-a-mano with your Spanish tutor. Especially if she’s cute.
We live in a kleptocracy. That means you either have a bad case of The Klept, or you’re fighting the power. Pick a side.