Sean Beaudoin

Enough excellent writing to fill a large tube sock

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Rest In Peace

oxyclean   Longtime visitors to Castle Stan know how big a fan we are of the late night infomercial. And so, it is with some genuine sadness that we find ourselves ignoring coverage about Michael Jackson to do our own brand of mourning for the inestimable Billy Mays. Sure, Billy has long been an easy target for lame Leno jokes and even lamer cocktail party OxyClean asides, but we feel that he deserves kudos for the way he more or less effortlessly wended his way into our lives as a self-satirical but comforting presence.

Billy is interesting because he's one of those odd units that floats somewhere between ironic celebrity and hipster knowing jokesterism. He's too obviously an easy mark, which makes him less of a mark somehow. And the truth is, the guy's face is seen more that most big stars. After a while, you know him. Even people who would never consider being suckered by an informercial start to believe maybe some Pine Sol made of orange rinds really will clean puke off the floor better. And his outfit of Khaki's+blue chambray work shirt is brilliantly avuncular. It lets you know Billy's the guy down the street you call to reach into the drainage pipe in the back yard and pull out the dead crow that's causing your patio to flood. The kind of guy that'll refuse to take any money afterward, but will sit on a folding chair and drink your beer and stay too long expounding on his odd and ill-fitting conspiracy theories that somehow tie water flouridation into the rise of ZOG and Chinese manipulation of the derivatives market.

What's really odd is they keep running his infomercials. I've seen half a dozen in the last week. You'd think these bluetooth headset knockoff companies, as heinous as they are, would have the tiniest bit of decorum and pull the spots off the air, but no. It's pretty creepy to see him still working, still just as enthusiastic. Jacko can keep his parade. We're feeling it for Billy Mays.


Totally! Mayz rulez.

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