Sean Beaudoin

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I left my cane in the soup aisle at the grocery store and didn't realize it until i got home, since I was sort of using the cart for balance anyway. So, I had to go to Walgreens and buy a new one. They only had this expensive one with simulated wood grain on it and a fake ebony handle. Now I look like William Faulkner's less dapper nephew hobbling after the bus. Faulkner probably never took the bus in his life but he may have had simulated wood grain on his flask. I really want one of those canes where the top unscrews and there's a sword inside, like the guy in Marathon Man had. I found one online, but they're illegal in CA. If someone out of state buys one and sends it to me, I will send you an autographed and only slightly used ace bandage. In the meantime, I can almost sort of walk now. It's liberating. You tend to get used to it, but walking is the sort of thing you should never take for granted.
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“Whether it’s beer, flu, or too many Cheetos, never, ever, ever pass out at a party. Ever.”

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