Sean Beaudoin

Enough excellent writing to fill a large tube sock

My Books:

"Some Tears May Be Crocodile, But My Salt Is True."


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More Stan Lists 1.1

THE TEN WORST ROCK BANDS EVER

These are bands that have consistently produced songs with an off-the-charts "Yarg!" factor, meaning they consistently compel you to dive for the remote, volume, shuffle, dial, skip, whatever button seconds after the first notes ooze out of your speakers. These are truly awful, cerebellum-melting, pointless, self-pleased, faux-profound, audience-pandering bands. One-hit wonders and joke bands (Gerardo, Vanilla Ice) don't count. Band must have produced at least two qualifying and signature tunes, and must be able to at least occasionally be heard on mainstream radio.

As always with Stan's Lists, two spots will be kept open for reader suggestions, the best of which will be re-posted later.


10.
9.
8. Van Hagar
7. Coldplay
6. Phil Collins
5. Hootie And The Blowfish
4. Creed
3. Limp Bizkit
2. Starship
1. Billy Joel
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The Road To Damascus

I've been reading so much YA stuff lately I'm started to regress. I have a stack of about 50 books to get through and a much smaller stack of time and patience. I need about three straight weeks of doing nothing but reading on an island off the coast of Thailand. And I still haven't finished Steven Baldwin's conversion autobiography. It's mostly about how Steve-O finds God at the Playboy mansion. Seriously. That's worth the 14-hour flight for alone. I've read about half of it and Steve keeps saying stuff about how he is one of the biggest box office stars in the world, but in this fake self-depricating way, like, "...and I realized, how could I, as one of the biggest box office stars in the world, be having such and empty an unfulfilling life?"

Steve, baby. You were in Bio-Dome. Start with the Old Testament.
  
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Radio Interview

So I'm going to record a reading of one of my short stories at KQED tomorrow for the show The Writer's Block. I've been checking out their site, and there are a lot of great author interviews and readings archived there. You should check it out: http://www.kqed.org/arts/writersblock/

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Reviews In Full

So, you'll notice the new "Stan's Book and Record Review" sections there to your right. Feel free to send advance copies, demos and cds to: 912 Cole Street #286, SF CA 94117 and Stan will review your stuff. I do have a monster stack of books to get to, but I'm (Stan is) a fast reader.

THE RULES: The dates are based on when I finished a book, and they are all in real-time order. No skipping or adding stuff in later, or reviewing books I read a long time ago. I pledge to review every single book I read, no matter how pointless or embarrassing, over the next year. All books are given a numerical grade/rating from One to Ten Stans, based on widely accepted international guidelines. Numerical grades are not subject to change due to pleading or bribery. Well, maybe bribery. But no pleading, please.
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New Awesomely Horrible Film

I had insomnia last night, like I do most nights, which still doesn't begin to explain why I was up at 3am watching 1984's savagely bad HARD TO HOLD starring erstwhile rocker Ric Springfield. See, Ric is a hard rocker who rocks HARD, but can't find a good woman. Then he meets this mousy child psychologist played by some mousy actress I've never even heard of, and falls in love. Rick and Mouse have a hard time, though, what with his hectic Rocker Lifestyle. This gives the film a chance to go through about 1000 bad montages of them in parks and on jogs and alone thinking about one another while a b-side Ric Springfield tune wails in the background. This movie also has lots of on-stage scissor kicks, a red Trans Am, Ric in a sleeveless grey vest, Ric in a navy uniform and accompanying earring looking like Richie Gere's anorexic younger brother, a roadie named "Casserole", and lots of strum-strummy D chords.

Best line in movie: At the end, Ric decides to take off during the middle of a ROCKING show to punch his Trans Am out to the airport and stop Mouse from leaving town...his manager grabs his arm backstage and says (really): "Don't do it, man...dames like Diana are a lot of trouble..."
Ric tears off his grey sleeveless vest and throws it into the crowd, drives to the airport, finds Diana and gives her a big vegemite-breath hug. She is so happy she doesn't find it odd Ric is magically wearing the same grey sleeveless vest he just threw into the crowd twenty minutes before. They walk out arm-in-arm, the credits roll, and they drive away in the Trans, presumably to a small, quiet midwestern town where they can immediately start producing a line of Mousy/Earringed children.
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New Reader Pics


Glenn says: "GNF was so funny, I couldn't finish my chips....I still ate the sandwich, though." 
 
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Legal Bind

Swayze lawyers called Castle Stan last week and issued a desist order. "The Swayze" along with 'That's Hot!" apparently has already been patented by the Hilton family trust. Our firm, Smith and Smith is on the job, preparing a series of torts as I type this. I will back down from no one. Except, possibly, an angry Ben Gazzara.
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Road House: Best Movie Ever Made



People have been sending me dialog from Road House, or, as I call it, "The Scottish Play".

"Doc: Your file says you've got a degree from NYU. What in?
Dalton: Philosophy.
Doc: Any particular discipline?
Dalton: No. Not really. Man's search for faith. That sort of shit.
Doc: Come up with any answers?
Dalton: Not too many.
Doc: How's a guy like you end up a bouncer?
Dalton
: Just lucky I guess."

"Red Webster: How long are you gonna be in town?
Dalton: Not very long.
Red Webster: That's what I said 25 years ago.
Dalton: Really? What happened?
Red Webster: I got married to an ugly woman. Don't ever do that. It just takes the energy right out of you. She left me, though. Found somebody even uglier than she was. That's life. Who can explain it?"

"Tinker: A polar bear fell on me."

"Dalton:Knife
Schmoe: Left foot.
Dalton: Got it."
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One More Launch Pic

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My Interview With The Female Charlie Rose

Kelly Parra and I talk about GNF on her excellent blog YA Fresh:

YA Fresh Interview

Also check out her mySpace site:

Kelly's mySpace

Her book Graffitti Girl is out in May. It has the best cover I've seen all year. The inside's probably good, too.

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