Sean Beaudoin

Enough excellent writing to fill a large tube sock

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News

The Daily Sigh

I don't know about you, but every time I sign on to my ISP, there's a homepage that claims to have the latest "News and Headlines." I've tried, but I see no way to either avoid this feature or turn it off. The "News'" content of each "Headline" is not only non-existent, it's oppressive. Every day it screams at me "Rosie Jabs Barbara in Nasty Spat" or "Hillary Slams Obama in Angry Speech" or "Ellen Melts Down Again" or "Brittany Hurts Self And Others". This would be bad enough to have to see every time you check your email if there were any shred of honesty to the claims, no matter how pointless and gossip-ridden, but if you actually bother to open up the file and sit through the commercial, it turns out that nothing really ever happened, no one really said anything mean or remarkable, and the whole thing is the worst kind of insipid tease. And yet there's three a day, every day, and there will be three more tomorrow. Is it possible people can continue to JAB, SLAM and RIP each other into eternity? Is it possibly that my exposure to this isotopic moronicism is in turn making me an irradiated moron? Is our collective acceptance that this discourse is now just a daily part of logging onto our computers making all of us just a bit more stupid? A lot more stupid? Well, all I know is that I was trying to figure out a percentage in my head the other day and I just couldn't do it. I was adding numbers, dividing, getting more hopelessly lost, and then Suri Cruise popped in where 27.325 should have been and so I just gave up and made a big bowl of pudding.
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"Adralach was so grateful that he

loosed a plague upon the humans

and feasted on the glut of their passing."

                           -Cornelius Wrathbone

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