Sean Beaudoin

Enough excellent writing to fill a large tube sock

My Books:

On A Level of Suck

Movie Reviews

This is a chronological list of every movie I've seen since April, 2006. All movies are graded according to well-established and strict international Level of Suck guidelines, developed with painstaking accuracy during the Yalta 2000 Conference, as well as according to my whims and moods at any given moment. The only rule is NO SKIPPING embarrassing titles, and no adding cool foreign movies that I actually didn't watch. If Fassbinder or Satyajit Ray or Lars Von Trier is on there, it's 'cause I really sat through the damn thing. Also, all series discs (Manimal season 5, for instance) will be treated as one title.

Level 10 - KICK TO THE FUNDAMENTS - Astonishingly good. Powerful. A true piece of art. Pushing cinema in new directions.

Level 9 - UTTERLY EBULLIENT - Pretty damn great. Innovative, daring, honest. Totally in command. Fantastic elements abound from scene to scene, but not quite a masterpiece.

Level 8 - STRAIGHT THROBBING - Has style, chops, verve, poise. Some great acting or camera work. Even so, there were a few significant glitches.

Level 7 - RELATIVELY SATIATED - A variety of solid scenes that made me want to like it more than I really did. Needs some direction. Endearingly flawed. Acting a bit dodgy. Script needed another run-through.

Level 6 - SORTA COMPLACENT - I liked some of it okay. At least four or five good ideas in there, but, a lot of it was tiresome. Too long and too dark and some serious cheese acting.

Level 5 - NEARLY SOMNAMBULENT - As mediocre as a Bruce Willis harmonica solo. Dull, tired, unoriginal. The characters frequently do inexplicable things just to advance the already weak plot.

Level 4 - LIKE, NAUSEATED - Needed a major infusion of balls of almost any variety. Pointedly off.

Level 3 - EXISTENTIALLY WEEPY - Watched the entire thing and genuinely wished I hadn't. Frisbee'd the DVD into traffic on the way to work. The next day it was still there, and someone else had dropped a copy of Norbit II: Norbittier right on top of it. At the end of almost every Level 3 movie, Adam Sandler cries, and then someone drives the wrong way through oncoming traffic.

Level 2 - I WANT TO CRUSH MY HEAD IN A GRAVEL PRESS - Unbearable. Lots of mumbling, poor lighting, unintentional jump cuts, and former teen reality stars running half-naked in the woods from a guy in a Carrot Top mask.

Level 1 - TOTAL SOULDEATH - The Absolute Worst Movie Ever! Threw this into the ocean, and it washed immediately back. A sea turtle ate it and it gave him the burning shits for two months. Toward the end, Mickey Rourke beats up David Caruso.

Movie Review

The Dark Knight Rises dir. Christopher Nolan — 6.1

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Mr. Lucky dir. H.C. Potter — 8.2

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The Master dir. Paul Thomas Anderson — 7.2

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Stand Up Guys dir. Fisher Stevens — 5.5

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The Sessions dir. Ben Lewin — 8.0

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Smashed dir. James Ponsoldt — 7.0

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Warm Bodies Dir. Jonathan Levine — 6.3

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Argo dir. Ben Affleck — 6.9

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Killing Them Softly dir. Andrew Dominik — 6.6

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Zero Dark Thirty dir. Kathryn Bigelow — 7.0

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Solitary Man dir. Brian Koppelman — 5.8

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The Hangover Part II dir. Todd Phillips — 3.0

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Rubber dir. Quentin Dupieux — 6.7

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Boogie Man: The Lee Atwater Story dir. Stefan Forbes — 8.2

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The Trip dir. Michael Winterbottom — 7.9

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Frost/Nixon dir. Ron Howard — 7.6

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Who is Harry Nilsson (and why is everybody talking about him?) dir. John Schienfeld — 8.2

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The Ghost Writer dir. Roman Polanski — 7.0

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Bridesmaids dir. Paul Feig — 6.8

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Kill The Irishman dir. Jonathan Hensleigh — 5.7

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11-harrowhouse dir. Aram Avakian — 6.4

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Barney's Version dir. Richard J. Lewis — 6.8

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Seven Psychopaths dir. Martin McDonagh — 6.2

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Lawless dir. John Hillcoat — 5.9

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Moonlight Kingdom dir. Wes Anderson — 6.7

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Bernie dir. Richard Linklater — 6.9

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Magic Mike dir. Steven Soderbergh — 6.9

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Prometheus dir. Ridley Scott — 4.0

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Rescue Dawn dir. Werner Herzog — 6.6

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Looper dir. Rian Johnson — 6.9

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Weekend Andrew Haigh — 7.5

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Django Unchained 7.8 — dir. Quentin Tarantino

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The Thing (2011) dir. Matthijs van Heijningen Jr. — 5.3

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Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunter dir. Timur Berkmambetov — 6.0

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Louie Bluie dir. Terry Zwigoff — 7.9

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Exit Through The Gift Shop dir. Banksy — 6.1

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The Runaways dir. Floria Sigismondi — 5.8

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Easy A dir. Will Gluck — 6.9

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Predators dir. Nimrod Antal — 6.2

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The Kids are All Right dir. Lisa Cholodenko — 7.4

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Faster dir. George Tillmann Jr. — 6.7

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Art of the Steal dir. Don Argott —

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Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work dir. Ricki Sterne — 6.9

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The Town dir. Ben Affleck — 6.2

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Hanna Joe Wright — 5.8

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Inside Job Charles Ferguson — 8.1

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A prophet Jacques Audiard — 8.5

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Duplicity Tony Gilory — 5.1

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Never Let Me Go dir. Mark Romanek — 5.5

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Please Give dir. Nicole Holofcener — 6.7

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