Hey, if you're in SF check out my article in this week's Onion. (dec. 25th-volume 44, issue 52). It's in the AV CLUB section and is called "Lonely Drummer Boy." Unfortunately, it was edited for nice-ness in parts, but you get the idea.
Ask A Marginally Successful Author
Advice for the lonely, the bored,
and the terminally weird.