Sean Beaudoin

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Bands That Never Were

Bands that never existed #228: Waking Snakes. Bass player Ace Waking and longtime songwriting partner/vocalist Danny "Tube" Snakes have re-united and will hit the road this summer as part of the Mystery Karma tour, playing festivals and fair grounds from St. Louis to Boise. Mr. Snakes, reached at his Corpus Christie home, promises, "All the old hits, plus some new rock opera-ish stuff we've been working on." Long-time fans will no doubt be raising lighters and demanding to hear Waking Snakes biggest hit, "Don't Call Me Ishmael", which rose to number ninety-nine on the Big Prog 100 charts in the summer of '92, and then enjoyed a brief resurgence after being sampled by MC Drac Teef for his trip-hop classic, "What What Whassis?" However, ticket sales have lagged as rumors swirl that Mr. Waking has actually joined the cast of Joseph and the Fairly Drab Dreamcoat, and will officially be replaced by Donald Becker when the tour kicks off at the Branson, MO venue the Rowdy Beaver, best known for the six-year residency of comedian Yakov Smirnoff. Said Mr. Smirnoff, when reached by phone, "In Missouri, has-been act steps on you."

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"Trail was no longer an accurate term. It was now just the slightest cleft between vegetation, like a rotting green thong pulled tight between the ass cheeks of being lost."

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