Sean Beaudoin

Enough excellent writing to fill a large tube sock

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Jim The Evening





Dear Sean Beaudoin

What's with that guy with the headset that keeps trying to sell me a Sham Wow? Where did they find him? And why hasn't he been sent back there in a shoebox, having been chopped into neat little squares by his other miracle product, the Grate-y? But wait! I also really hate Billy Mays. What's with the beard? But there's more! I also bought one of those forty gallon tubs of Oxy Clean and it ruined half my work clothes. The number I keep calling to complain just has a message that plays that horrible song "Dog and Butterly" over and over again to the point you want just want to scream and run into the night in your underwear and a handful of stuff from the shed to blow up your neighbor's Escalade with a fertilizer bomb. Help! Call now!

                                                                               Late Night Jim
Dear Late Night Jim

It's true. Those clowns are enough to drive anyone to extreme measures. Ask Sean Beaudoin asks you, though, in the interest of peace and understanding, NOT to blow up your neighbor's Escalade. Instead, why don't you make a cup of cocoa, take some deep breaths, and then walk calmly to the hardware store, buy a can of industrial spray paint, and write CONSUMPTION ISN'T JUST FOR TUBUCULARS ANYMORE! across your neighbor's fender and hood. They'll get the message.
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