Sean Beaudoin

Enough excellent writing to fill a large tube sock

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Actors In Rock Bands

Why do actors keep insisting on forming bands? And why are they so uniformly awful? Which one of these guys would you most want to hear sing? Does anyone want to hear Diehard play the harmonica? Does anyone remember when "Heartbeat" was roaring up the charts in 1984?

5. Don Johnson-A Sweaty Half-Pint Of Soul
4. Bruce Willis-The Hat Makes The Harmonica Makes The Hairline
3. Keanu Reeves-First To Translate Mumbling Into A Shredding Bass Solo
2. Kevin Bacon-Acoustic? Check. Brother? Check. Warbling? Check.
1. Russell Crowe-Wins On Theory Alone. Can You Envision The Pain?

(Honorable Mentions: Swayze's "band" on Dirty Dancing soundtrack just too good to make fun of, Travaolta's band, the Barbarino's or something, I've never heard)
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"The curves are a smoke screen, I tell myself. Inside she’s a bag of hard edges. And I, Ritchie Sudden, am prepared to eat sheet metal."

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