| 1. Hoobastank |
Does this even need a comment? It's obviously an insider reference to smoking pot, but sounds like the worst story you ever heard about the drummer and his first groupie/van experience which always ends up with the punchline: "and it turned out it was some dude named Bruce!" |
| |
|
| 2. Live, Bush, Oasis, Lush, Low, Shins, Vines, Killers, Korn, Toto. |
Was there a more soul-killing trend in the nineties than four or five word band names, brothers in the same band, skinny pants, sideburns, and arena-rock disguised as expensively recorded garage grunge disguised as The Stooges? No, there wasn't. |
| |
|
| 3. Asia, Europe, Chicago, Boston, Berlin, Bay City Rollers, Utah Saints, Manhattan Transfer, Van Der Graf Generator. |
Why would you name your band after a particular place in a vain attempt to absorb some unearned cred, and then expect your audience to admire the depth of your insight and creativity? It's like naming your daughter "Brooklyn." |
| |
|
| 4. Hootie And The Blowfish. |
Probably the worst band name ever, but the group itself is so unrelentingly atrocious, they sort of get credit for coming up with something that mirrors them accurately. This is music for people who like prefer their mustard watery and bright yellow. |
| |
|
| 5. Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park. |
Spelling for geniuses with dyed goatees. The scars from those two years of rap-metal will never heal. It's possible that "Fred Durst" is the best possible name for someone with a sideways hat and wanna-prison tattoos who tends to sing all Fred Durst-y. |
| |
|
| 6. Mr. Mister, Air Supply. |
That weird gray corner where Dull As Spackle meets Utterly Oblivious. |
| |
|
| 7. Toad The Wet Sprocket, Big Head Todd And The Monsters, Huey Lewis and the News, Eddie And The Cruisers, Mott The Hoople, Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians. |
"Hey, I got an idea, instead of coming up with an awesome anagram name with satanic overtones like KISS, let's come up with something cutesy or non-sensical and then put AND THE between it!" Like, for instance, Pain And The Delivery Vehicle.
|
| |
|
| 8. T'Pau. |
Hey, you name your band after a character from the Vulcan Mind Meld episode of the original Star Trek, what the fuck do you expect? |
| |
|
| 9. The Goo Goo Dolls. |
They never stood a chance, and never really deserved one. Even hearing a single note of theirs instantly puts me in mind of a vinegary baby crap and pea compote. |
| |
|
| 10. Ankgor Wat |
Give them credit for coming up with it before anybody had even heard of Cambodia in a context of anything other than the Pathet Lao and carpet bombing, but, still, this is like calling yourself Taj Mahal. Oh, wait... |
| |
|
11. Chumbawumba, Scritti Politti, Oingo Boingo, Bananarama, Kajagoogoo, Dishwalla, A-Ha.
|
Alliteration plus drum machines plus Aqua Net equals neon overalls plus I'll buy a vowel plus bargain bin. |
| |
|
| 12. Nickleback, Matchbox 20, Sum 41, Five For Fighting, Third Door Down, Level 42, Sixpence None The Richer, Jars Of Clay. |
Rock and Math were born to go together like peanut butter and veiled references to Leviticus. |
| |
|
| 13. Mudhoney, Faster Pussycat, Spiderbaby, Vixens. |
Having one band named after a Russ Meyer movie? We'll let it slide. But two bands is unforgivable. And four bands is the sign of a breastapocalypse. What's next? The Immortal Mr. Teas Experience? |
| |
|
| 14. Prefab Sprout. |
What they should have pumped into Biosphere II to fertilize the research teams. |
| |
|
| 15. Counting Crows, Collective Soul, Soul Asylum, Soul II Soul, Soul Coughing, Black Crowes. |
Crowes Crows? Crowz Craws? Counting Crabs? Crotch Claws? If you have to announce you got soul, hey, baby, you sure as hell don't. Also, I heard that a few years ago a small child found one of Adam Duritz's dreadlocks lying in the gutter at the corner of Melrose and La Cienega. |
