Sour White is in the editing stages is slated to be released Spring 2009 from Little, Brown.
Read an excerpt:
"Voice Recording for Podcast of "Pam's Diary"...Oct. 2nd , Two Thousand and whatever.
(Static. Clicking buttons. A swear. Two swears.)
...Hello? Does this work? (tap tap)...Okay, um... who am I is probably the first question, so here's the first answer...I sometimes listen to the first two Joy Division albums and I sometimes wear black lipstick and I always wear too much face powder and I wear black clothes and I wear black boots and I wear torn fishnet, but I don't have any tattoos and I don't have any piercings, so does that make me a Goth or a half-Goth? Or maybe Just Plain Lazy? Either way, I take a lot of crap about it at school, so it seems like I should either embrace the entire package or just drop it for a new shtick... Maybe I'll switch to the braids and Catholic skirt thing. By the way, shouldn't that be one word: Catholicskirt?...Also, wouldn't that be a great name for a band? Catholickskirt, Catholick Skirt, Catho lickSkirt (with umlauts)...or, maybe I'll go Hilfiger head to toe. I've always loved yachting. And the smell of the ocean. At least on TV, since I've never been on a yacht, or seen the ocean. And I never watch TV....
(sound of crumpling paper...sound of meowing cat)
...another thing is, I think tattoos are stupid. Anything I put on my neck or elbow or foot now, I know for SURE I will not want on my neck or elbow or foot in five years. Or even one year. Unless it's something really useful. Like an Applebee's menu. Or the Periodic Table.
(Switch to earnest scientist's voice)
"The atomic weight of Cesium? Um, sure, let me just pull up my labcoat sleeve here and consult my ink...."
(Sound of sleeve being pulled up)
...Um...okay, actually, The Goths were this German tribe that invaded Rome and took what they wanted in, like, the year 500. They also had these sub-tribes called the Ostrogoths and the Visigoths. Sort of like extended family.
(Switching into happy family voice)
"Ding dong..."
"Who's there?
"Oh, hi, it's just us, Bill and Suzie Ostrogoth? Remember us? Your cousins from the caves in the Alps ?"
"Not really."
"Listen, do you think our entire extended family of eighteen thousand barbarians could crash on your couch for a few nights?"
(Laughing. Sighing.)
...I'm officially fourteen. I know that because I just had a birthday and before then I was thirteen. So, I am now officially an adult. At least in some countries, like, for instance, Serbia and The Congo and Uzbekistan . Therefore, in those countries, I am Officially In Control Of My Destiny, which is practically the same as being legal here and now....right?...
(Sound of taking furious notes with a crayon on a piece of cardboard)
...Here's a Hypothetical Question: Aren't you, millions of people in Geek Computer Listening Land , glad I didn't start this entry with "Dear Diary"? Isn't that a little too Nancy Drew? Remember her? Neither do I, but don't people keep saying "dear diary" anyway, even a hundred years after Nancy solved her first crime? (pssst...the missing candlestick is in the nun's purse). Are we really all so easily swayed? ( yes) So un-original? (yes).... My pledge to all faithful listeners: I'll come up with a better name for this Clodcast, and soon. Just let me think about it for a while...
(Sound of counting to ten in Pig-latin on fingers)
...speaking of names, mine is Pam. My brother calls me "Pamcake" which makes me want to stab him with a fork. My mother used to call me "Pammy" but now mostly just rolls her eyes, and also sometimes slips food under my ( locked) bedroom door...my cat doesn't call me anything. He just says "Meow." His name is "Invincible". It's a good name, except he's real old and sorta blind and will probably die soon, which makes him a walking contradiction. Or it would, if he could walk. He mostly lies on his side like an old meatloaf...
(sound of shoe being thrown against wall)
...What else? Oh, there's an ice-cream truck that keeps going around our neighborhood. Do they still have ice-cream trucks? Apparently. And kids still chase them...to be totally honest, which I absolutely do plan do with you, Dumbass Diary, I would LOVE to go chase the ice-cream truck, too. But can you imagine that? Me? "Check out the Goth chick with the Creamsicle". The potential for embarrassment is more than even I can stomach. Seriously.
(Sound of knocking at door)
...Okay, that's it for now, listeners. Go back to your Dolls and Crayons and pictures of naked tribeswomen in National Geographic. I gotta go.
(Queue "Pam's Diary" Closing Theme Song: "Circle Of Cysquatch" by Mastodon.) "
