Going Nowhere Faster

New Column Up!

4-26-10

So I’m starting a monthly column on the excellent website TheNervousBreakdown.com, which is chock full of writing by rock stars and well-known authors and hilarious opinions of every stripe. I am, frankly, astonished they want anything to do with me. My first column, Writer Slams Dick Armey, Kiss Army Snubbed just went up today. I hope you’ll read the piece and leave your thoughts. Hate it? Go ahead and tear it a new one! Love it? Hey, man, I love you. Essentially, it’s my first column and the more responses it gets, the more likely they’ll treat me nicely. I may even get a bunch of free hats. It's all part of my master plan to launch a second career as a highly-paid polemicist ranter.

Feel free to forward, re-post, tweet, re-myspace, etc. Thanks!

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Meryl Streep Weeps

3-19-10

The very excellent Chicago Public Library system continues to host Acting Out, where teen thespians use scenes from their favorite books, including Going Nowhere Faster. Apparently the student actors are big on the "It's a Baldwin Kind of Morning" scene from GNF. We here at Self Promotion Central think the Teen Volume Readers Theater Project rules, and say anyone in the Chicago area not regulalry attending these performances is straight cash crazy.

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She's Always Ready

3-11-10

If Foghat, Nickelback and .38 Special had a baby, it would immediately unsheath its retracting fangs, kill all the nurses, bury a sac of eggs in the doctor's chest, and leap through the window, landing on the roof of a speeding milk truck. It would then pound its chest, pop on some Wayfarers, tie a bandanna around its thigh, and loosen a howl of such rocking blood-thirst that every animal within a ten mile radius fell permanently silent.

Either that, or it would sound like Ram Jam.

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Love

3-10-10

Watching this is like winning a Lender's Bagel
necklace. Some people know her as Pinky
Tuscadero. Others know her as my first wife.

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Ahem.

3-10-10

Corey Hart, rest well my friend. "Sunglasses at Night" was a great song, and you will not be forgotten.

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The Little Unknown Book That Could

3-4-10

Hey, check out Fade to Blue getting a bunch of love in this UNSUNG YA blog movement. Essentially, a bunch of people are linking lists of their favorite books that haven't gotten the Twilight treatment and deserve more readers. It's like being on a "Best Unsigned Band" list. Or maybe it's more like "One-Hit Wonders That Deserve a Second Hit." Is that second hit represented by Your Purchasing Dollars, my friends? Am I the musical equivalent of C+C Music Factory? No. It's the simple knowledge that a few of my sentences are being read instead of pulped in a New Jersey recycling plant that puts me to sleep at night. Or, wait, is it the sodium pentathol? Either way, thanks bloggers!

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